


Agitation

by Collybear



Category: Voltron: Legendary Defender
Genre: Anger, Depression, Gen, Introspection, Mental Breakdown, Platonic Relationships, Space Dad Shiro (Voltron)
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-08-10
Updated: 2016-08-10
Packaged: 2018-08-07 21:21:38
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,086
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/7730176
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Collybear/pseuds/Collybear
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Many people don't know, depression isn't always just sadness, sometimes it's anger. Agitation. For Pidge it certainly is.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Agitation

It’s been a long day. It’s been a long week. Hell, it’s been a long _month_ and Pidge is exhausted. 

There’s nothing in particular that triggered it, but today she woke up well before her alarm feeling like she’d been emotionally punched in the face and any plans she had immediately went out the window. Before going to sleep three or four hours ago she had vowed to finish that modification she was working on for Green when she woke up but… nah. That could wait.

That being said, she has no clue what she wants to do instead. Not a single thing appeals to her as she lies in under the covers, staring up at the featureless ceiling. She doesn’t even want to get out from the warmth of her covers for some food-goo, despite the emptiness of her stomach. It doesn’t seem worth the effort. The weight in her chest, like a bowling ball on her sternum, and the lethargy of her limbs kept her from even trying.

After sometime, Pidge couldn’t tell if it was a minute or an hour later with the way her mind had managed to empty itself, her alarm went off of the table beside her and she managed enough energy to throw her arm out to the side and find the button. She still had plenty of time before she had to actually get out of bed, group training wasn’t for an hour and a half still…. But Shiro wouldn’t be happy if she collapsed half way through because she’d missed breakfast. And nobody would be happy if she showed up to any common areas without having showered. It had been more than a few days since she last did that. Other things had gotten in the way.

It took another twenty minutes of convincing, psyching herself up, and many heavy sighs, but eventually Pidge threw the covers off and planted her feet on the ground. Another half hour after that she was in the mess hall, hair still damp from her showed, on autopilot as she devoured another meal of indistinct green goop. She’s not sure what she did until training started.

\---

After training Shiro approached her. That didn’t come as a surprise; Pidge knew she’d made a few stupid mistakes, obvious things like going left when Hunk had said right, and freezing up when the Gladiator had come at her, she didn’t need anyone to tell her what her mistakes were. And with all she was replaying them in her head she didn’t need to hear about them from anyone else right now. 

“Pidge, are you alright? You looked distracted at breakfast this morning, and you weren’t performing your best in training.” He had a look of concern on his face and he used that tone the other paladins had come to know as his ‘dad voice’.

“I’m fine, Shiro. Just tired.”

That had become a worn out excuse by now, and Pidge could tell by the crinkle of his nose that Team Leader wasn’t buying it either. While it might have been true, there’s only so many times she could claim that before it became suspect: This seemed to be the last time.

“Pidge…” He reached out and placed his flesh hand on her shoulder, only to have it violently shrugged off.

“I’m. Fine,” she insisted with a sharp edge to her voice. 

“I don’t believe that.”

“I don’t care if you believe it! I’m just—“ Realizing she was losing more control of herself than she was comfortable with, Pidge took a moment and took a breath. “—I’m going to work on Green.” 

\---

But she didn’t. She did go to Green’s hanger, even began to pick through the combination of code and hardware necessary to finish the mod she had started, but she didn’t get any real work done. The challenge of making the systems work together, tweaking this and fixing that, which she usually found enjoyable was just a chore today. It didn’t make sense, none of it did, and she couldn’t concentrate long enough to make it make sense. 

Merely five minutes and a new dent in the hangar wall later she gave up—just about the same time the door opened and Shiro stepped inside. Frustrated by her sudden ineptitude with technology, as well as today’s earlier failures in training and Shiro’s prying, she reacted to his presence without reservation.

“What? What is it, Shiro? Did I not do good enough? Am I not trying hard enough? What!?” There was an angered shake in her voice that matched the shake of her hands at her sides.

“I came to check on you. Pidge, I’m worried—“

“About what? Worried that my performance is going to bring this team down? News flash, Shiro, so am I!”

The older paladin barely got out a “No, I—“ before he was once again cut off by Pidge.

“I know I have nothing to offer this team. I-- I’m just a kid, Shiro. I’m not supposed to be here! I’m supposed to be at home with my family, going to high school and dating and whatever. Instead I’m hundreds of thousands of light years from Earth, I don’t never know if my family is alive, and the fate of the universe depends on me! I can’t do this, Shiro! I can’t. I can’t, I—“  
Her voice de-escalated quickly from there. The hoarse, broken screaming turned into similar sobs that had her hiding her face in her hands. Shiro started towards her, desperate to comfort her however he could.

“Stay away from me!”

The distressed green paladin took a few wobbly steps back, until her back was again the wall, and slide to the ground.  


“I can’t get the training right, I’m hardly any use in a fight, I can’t even figure out another mod for Green to make me actually _useful_! What am I doing here? Why did I think I could help find Matt and Dad?” 

Slowly Shiro made his way over to where Pidge was against the wall and sat in front of her.

“I don’t think that—none of us think that.” He said nothing other than those two simple statements. There was nothing else to say.

So instead he extended a hand to her, his left one, giving her the option to take it if she wanted to. And she did. Despite her earlier declaration she didn’t want him to leave. She might feel broken and agitated, but she didn’t have to be alone.

**Author's Note:**

> Rabblerabble. I had the urge to write today and my own depression was pretty bad, so this is what came out. It's unbeta'd and parts of it aren't proof read but I hope you enjoyed anyways.
> 
> Also thanks to BitZombie cause I think you kind of inspired the end of this with Aftermath.


End file.
